Video Game Rap Battles of History
by MariotheHero
Summary: Inspired by Epic Rap Battles of History
1. Saki vs Litchi

**VG RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

SAKI TSUZURA VS LITCHI FAYE LING

BEGIN!

SAKI: Help!

you're making my ears bleed  
you need a muzzle  
why are you pissed off for some time  
didn't your mum give you a cuddle?

you helped a guy who could've died  
of a heart attack just in the shower  
you need to chill out for a minute  
and smoke for an hour

every time I watch your show  
and you're not teaching me  
and your face looks like a sh*t I took  
high on LSD

I'm a maiden, I'm a legend  
I can see through all your tricks  
I wonder how much Bang loves  
you to suck his d*ck.

LITCHI: You F*cking blue hair,  
living with your Arcana Heart  
is about to get broke  
by my Kung Fu art

I'll teach you Saki,  
you call me MS. Litchi  
When it comes to squashing Limeys  
I come recommended highly

you're weak, between you and me  
there' no comparison  
I'll beat you so bad you'll cry  
like George Harrison

you're Maori Kasuga's b*tch,  
with less talent than Heart Aino  
and I'd rather f*ck Noel's *ss,  
than Yoriko's

SAKI: Well you can't show me love,  
but I'll kick your *ss for free  
I'll take Zenia's Pile Bunker,  
and give you a lobotomy

I'm tired of how you scheme  
to set the people up,  
why don't you just take a vacation  
and SHUT THE F*CK UP?

LITCHI: Now you're evil,  
heart blacker than Ragna,  
ten thousand dollar I use  
to buy myself a Magna Carta.

Don't tell me to shut the f*ck up,  
You're just full of hates,  
Now here's the cure.  
NINE GATES!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!


	2. Kyle vs Raven

**VG RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

KYLE TRAVERS VS RAVEN

BEGIN!

RAVEN: Hold up, Chump.  
You're just outta luck.  
I come from a game  
That people think it suck!

I'll stomp your nuts  
Until there's Bangers 'n' Mash  
I seen better fighters  
In Super Smash

*sshole! I beat the sh*te  
Outta punks like Zanetti  
While you're out Solvin'  
Scooby Doo mysteries with Shaggy

Nothin' makes me laugh  
I bet your silly *ss raps can  
So bring it on, b*tch!  
It's a fight to the death, man.

KYLE: I once met a guy  
Been lookin' for a fight  
I heard you took news  
From last night

Haven't you heard?  
You are terribly absurd  
That you named yourself  
After a bird

You want to battle me?  
Bring it then.  
CODY: I heard his ancestor was Irish.  
KYLE: Cody, I had hard times  
Fighting Irishmen

You're a whacked  
Sh*thead with has no skill  
My bro's a fighter  
CODY: 'Cause his style's so ill

RAVEN: Shut the f*ck up nerds!  
I got my fist so eat it  
I don't need friends.  
AARON: Unless he need it

Man, no wonder  
How you *ss got killed  
Your brother's gonna  
Be good as thrilled

My father asks me  
To do what he's willin'  
I beat up bad guys  
Then my dinner's be chillin'

I had a date  
With Jessica  
I'll remember the fact  
That you're not a winner

The strong have the right  
To rule over the weak  
I'll have all the power  
To show that geek

RAVEN: (Outta my way!)  
You're not smart  
You endanger Bella's life  
Why don't you tell your brother  
To go home to his so-called wife

Nobody can help you  
You did too much harm  
You'll die alone with no friends  
Except that needle in your arm

CODY: I believe your story  
That you are betrayed  
You're pals don't like you  
You just got played

You're anger's brewin' up  
Your life's a big waste  
And Eugene  
Wants you to die with haste  
KYLE: Cody, we did it! Give him pain!  
CODY: YOU'RE BATSH*T INSANE!  
KYLE: That'll be a wonderfull night  
Wanna come over to my house  
And play Final Fight?

WHO WON?

WHO NEXT?

YOU DECIDE


	3. Cao Cao vs Liu Bei

**VG RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

CAO CAO VS LIU BEI

BEGIN!

CAO CAO: I'm not gonna let this battle  
Be decided by fact  
I'm Rich! Got fat pacts  
And super contract

You all went down to  
Face the Wei Kingdom  
You're a decent general  
With strength & wisdom

You're all bark and no bite  
That's what you're still hoping  
You gonna shut your mouth!  
But in Battle of Chang Ban, we're both still open

You're from a Beijing City  
Where you're looking pretty  
And against all odds  
But in the end, you'll be evicted  
And with no jobs

Raw rhymes  
Strong as my jaw lines  
Knocking you harder  
On Hu Lao Gate in  
My old allied days

You see the silver sword  
That cut mass outta debt?  
Took you years to go  
Down below 50%

You hear that, Liu Bei?  
You're old news! You're in no doubt  
Your Kingdom's weak as a peasant  
And you've done nothing about

Call me Mr. Cao Cao  
Cause I'm claiming this race  
I'll go Wei Capital on your  
Donkey *ss restructure you face

LIU BEI: They say your father  
He was a great man.  
He gives you what's left  
Need to stop hating Yuan Shao  
Let him teach you how to dress

You got the Mama Pants  
And a Heihachi face  
I'm so rich and white  
I'm waging war against a cheesecake

The Shu Kingdom needs  
A puppet and you fit  
I'll mount your head on my hand  
And throw your *ss down the pit

I'm the head of Shu  
You're like a head of cabbage  
'Bout to get smacked  
By a warrior's package

You're a bad guy with no chance  
You can even touch me  
I marred Sun Shang Xiang  
She's my wife, just trust me

I hope you saved your plan  
For the 2nd half  
'Cause right now  
My Brother and I will kick your *ss

CAO CAO: Whatever!  
That war on Wei got you  
Real Mad  
Let me remind you  
How many sworn brothers you had

LIU BEI: Look, I respect my family  
But that's might be crazy  
If the Shu let's  
Lady Sun to be my lady

CAO CAO: Ha! Don't bring your wives, man!  
What are you doing?  
You got hitched to an  
Asian Patrick Ewing

LIU BEI: Let me be clear  
Things got a little twisted  
You'll see how pretty your face is  
After my fist has kissed it

CAO CAO: You sputtering communist!  
LIU BEI: Oh Yeah? You're Stupid  
CAO CAO: No, you're stupid  
LIU BEI: Na-uh  
CAO CAO/LIU BEI: Grr!  
BIRD: AWK!

SUN JIAN: By the power invested in me  
By this giant bald bird  
The Wu will take China  
From shiniest of two turds

You! My daughter like you  
Don't talk about when you do it  
You're thinking with your brain  
Until an bullet went through it

And you, Cao Cao!  
You're pancake, you're flip-floppily  
China's a country, not a company  
You can play like Monopoly

I'm gonna win this war  
By b*tch smacking you as equal  
Of the Wu, By the Wu  
For the glory of Wu

EAGLE!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE


	4. Captain Falcon vs Lu Bu

**VG RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

CAPTAIN FALCON VS LU BU

BEGIN!

FALCON: Come on!  
Show me your moves  
I'm Douglas Jay Falcon  
And I got the grooves

I read about your facts  
That you fight with your spear  
Now tell me man, you gave  
People cause to fear

You're washed up warrior  
You walk like haters gonna hate  
You're gonna lose this battle  
Like lost the fight in Hu Lao Gate

I'll Falcon Kick your *ss  
Straight out of China  
My Falcon Punch  
Can sink a Cruise Liner

I'm faster than you  
Faster than Red Hare  
So, come at me  
If you dare!

LU BU: This isn't Smash Bros. Brawl, punk  
I suggest you're retreating  
A true warrior creates rap music  
When his heart started beating

I have more muscles  
Than Meng Huo  
My raps will slay you  
Just like I did to Dong Zhuo

FALCON: You had a date with Diao Chan  
Made friends with Zhang Liao  
You fought with Liu Bei  
And you we're killed by Cao Cao

You block arrows with your armour?  
I catch 'em with my hand  
I ride the Blue Falcon  
The quickest craft in the whole land

LU BU: I AM LU F*CKING BU!  
I spread more  
Blood and gore  
Than Second World War, B*tch!

I splat the Three Kingdoms  
With my pike  
While you and Ryu  
Can both take a hike!

I attack sharks  
When I smell them bleed  
I don't go swimming  
Water just wants to be around me

My lightning reactions  
Will make the Speed of Light  
Wish it was faster  
You may bow before me, Captain  
I AM YOUR MASTER!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE


	5. FINAL BATTLE: Mario vs Sonic

**VG RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG VS SUPER MARIO

BEGIN!

SONIC: Sonic's the name  
Speed's my game  
Overthrowing Eggman  
Gets me lotta fame

You're a weirdo, Mario  
Your Princess is in another castle  
And your lil' bro  
Learns how to do the gay hustle

Your mama made the  
Lee Bros. look like Ren & Stimpy  
You might be tough  
But you are very wimpy

I'm rich and acclaimed  
I'm famous, Mario  
I'm the A-List and  
You're too slow

MARIO: It's-a me, Mario  
I'm-a more than just a plumber  
Your-a just a blue hedgehog  
Who should've took a slumber

I come from many games  
And there all excellent  
And you're too weak  
To wrestle an elephant

I can't-a believe how you  
Sped-a your way out of the house  
You're look like a blue hedgehog  
And *URGH* smell of dead Needlemouse

I'm a Superstar  
No one knows who you are  
Except some fat scientist  
Knows how to press the Space Bar

SONIC: I attack, you break down  
You can't hang me on leashes  
Step aside Mario or I'll  
Spin Dash you to pieces

I'm a superhero  
You're a slave to your Mama  
I'll turning to Super Sonic  
And I will smash ya

Global  
My Rap goes on turbo  
Bots explodes  
I go on mobile

I save the whole world  
You just save the princess  
You want her heart?  
You gotta dress to impress

MARIO: I heard that, Sonic  
I'll just type it here  
Let Dr. Mario show you  
How to cure diarrhoea

How many mad scientists does it take to beat you?  
I have-a no idea!  
I rather take a nap  
On a couch I bought from IKEA

Your pal Knuckles gave  
The Chao Emeralds to Wario  
And your friend, Tails, follows you 'round  
Sonic Says: YOU DIDN'T KNOW!

Why don't take off your shoes  
And listen to Korn  
I'm-a everyone favourite  
Since the day I was-a born

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEX- uh, that's it.

**GAME OVER**


End file.
